Maybe I could have looked at my inability to foresee the future as a good thing. I lived in the moment, not that it's all that important, or difficult to do for a child I suppose. It also made it very difficult to form solid dreams. If you asked me when I was little, what I wanted to be when I was grown up, I would have probably told you a million different things. Maybe all kids do that.
Now, at 29 years old, I still have trouble seeing it. I'm there but I don't believe it. I am an adult, people call me ma'am. I have a child, I manage a home, and I pay bills. I go to work. I've done many of those things for a really long time too, and I still don't believe it.
Often times I walk into my sons daycare and see the other mothers and think "What am I doing here with all these adults?" Perhaps some of them have a few years on me, but not that many. I have a really hard time grasping age, not that it matters. Talking to some of the other mothers is strange to me sometimes, I wonder if they think they are talking to someone far less responsible than themselves.
Don't get me wrong I think I do a pretty good job managing all that I do. On a regular basis I wonder who it will be that comes along and tells me that it was all fake. Who made the decision that I was allowed to have a husband and a baby and all these other things? And who is going to take it all away? I know the truth is that nobody will do that, and that it's probably a really weird way to think. Maybe at some point it will all set in and I can believe that it's real. For now, maybe it's helpful that I wonder if it's all temporary, maybe that's why I appreciate it so much.
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