Sunday, March 25, 2012

Full of Doubt and Fixing It

Since deciding to leave my job and stay home with my son, my head has been spinning, not only do I have a hard time comprehending that it's a reality, but I also struggle with thoughts that I may not be able to hack it as a stay at home mom.  

My reasoning is this, anytime I have ever started at a new job, there is someone there to hold your hand and guide you through the ins and outs of your responsibilities.  It's my understanding that this is not the case in child raising.  Yes, I have been raising him all along, but I felt assured that when he was at daycare he was being taught by trained professionals.  I could love him, and play with him, and teach him as much as I know, but do I have what it takes to be the only one?

I believe that I am a relatively smart person.  I am the youngest in my family and never had much experience with children before my brothers starting making them, and then I followed suit.  Before meeting children that I loved I really didn't want much to do with them.  After all, they are sticky and noisy and it's really hard to understand them, whether they can speak, or not.  

My first nephew was born when I was 13.  I was super excited at the thought of being an aunt, but I saw my nephew very rarely and didn't gain much experience.  When I was an adult, and another of my brothers (there's 3) announced his wife's pregnancy I was overcome with emotion.  I cried, a lot.  Unfamiliar territory for me, but I think I actually got it then.  I understood how miraculous this event was and how, now that we were all adults, things were going to change, a lot.  I was ready and excited for this change.  From that point on, my family has expanded rapidly and I adore how large and warm it is.  

Back to the issue at hand.  Love comes easy for me.  Knowing what the heck I am doing is something different.  So how will I overcome this?  Study.  I do it all the time for everything else, and I plan to approach stay at home mom-ing no differently.  If I am questioning something there is sure to be someone who has an answer.  I don't want a hand holder at this point, to guide me through the ropes of parenting my child, but a little guidance is sure to be helpful.  I've learned from my own mistakes in life, I'm basically unrecognizable to my 22 year old self, and I wouldn't change a thing.  I plan to learn from my own mistakes in this venture too, and hopefully avoid a few by learning from others.  

I think I'm ready for the challenge.  It is love that has brought me here... That, and destiny I suppose. 


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1 comment:

  1. You will be great! And if you're like me, Google will be your best friend, for every issue, someone else has already had it and figured it out!

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